Sex: The Main Event?

In analyzing the scenarios that turn me on most, I realized recently that I’ve been trying to make the idea of intercourse the focus when in reality, it’s not my meat and potatoes, so to speak. I’ve already mentioned here that I’m not into conventional penetrative sex, but even pegging, which I would enjoy and be comfortable with, doesn’t seem to be my absolute priority.

I do like seeing or imagining sex between two people who want it, but when it comes to me, I’d much rather fantasize about making out with a boy and feeling him up. I am more intrigued by the subtleties and the build up. For me, that build up is everything. I seem most taken with those acts that might be considered foreplay, or teasing. Give me all of the things that stimulate and make him crave release. Instead of sex, let me watch him play with a vibrating plug. Or let me edge him until he can’t take it anymore.

Well, I guess you could say I have a certain hunger that is better sated by more indulgent activities.

But I also think I’m just drawn to alternative ways to express or satisfy sexuality (if you couldn’t already tell). It’s not a conscious decision; it’s just that the alternatives seem to resonate louder in my mind.

Another reason might be that my brain perceives sex as a more forceful act. It’s very difficult for me to imagine topping a guy if I don’t know him well, for instance. I would need to know his desires and his mind before I would be comfortable doing that to him.

In addition to non-sex acts, I prefer when clothes stay on. There might be occasions where I want to see nakedness, but on the whole I find clothes 10x hotter and more comfortable to imagine. I guess to my mind, a clothed version of a person is more himself, and sexual acts with clothes on are more in the realm of normal life, which I find erotic. Supercharging a normal situation with an erotic feeling emphasizes it even more. Whereas seeing someone stripped down to bare is an incredibly intimate thing that I may only see myself wanting if I have romantic feelings for a person, and it doesn’t figure into my general lust.

Which brings me to the question of whether this is true outside of fantasy. Honestly, I’m not sure. It may be. Perhaps I simply feel like sex requires more of a connection between two people, at least for my tastes, and so it may have its place for me in a relationship but it’s just not the star of my fantasies. Either way, knowing what I do like will certainly help guide me in a relationship.

It’s one thing to suspect all of this, as I have for a while, but putting it into words and accepting it frees me up to imagine things that do satisfy me. I’ve started to enjoy exploring other focuses and trying to let my mind roam without giving it a direction. The results have already been surprising, and it’s making me really excited about exploring these alternatives. I’m a big supporter of taking a moment to ignore expectations, labels, and frameworks, and to look at a thing for what it really is.

Erotic fiction: role reversal

Today, I thought I’d bring you a different kind of post.

I love to write all kinds of erotic fiction, and although I have aspirations to submit to publications someday soon, I also want to make some available here. I just love the idea of sharing this bit of my mind with the world for anyone who might be interested or relate. I appreciate writers who have done the same.

So, to start with, here’s a nice quickie. Hope you enjoy.

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Posting Status

I realize I’ve been on a sort of accidental hiatus for the past five months or so. A combination of new job and new classes have kept me away, and on top of that I’ve been navigating a relationship and trying to figure out whether it will work for me. It’s been taking up quite a lot of brainpower. I guess the problem with knowing what you want is that it’s harder to attain it. Maybe it makes it easier to search for, but it’s harder to be satisfied with what you find.

I’m excited to resume more regular posting soon. It’s not that I ever planned to stop, but being away for so long has reinforced how important this outlet is for me.

New: KWSWblog Tumblr

I’m just doing this short post to mention that I now have a tumblr sideblog: kwswblog.tumblr.com. I plan to use it for things I find that I like, that relate to my blog here in some way. Where my WordPress houses longer posts that are text-based (and written by me), my tumblr is for microblogging things that are primarily visual (and mostly reblogs). I might post recommendations there too. I like to comment on things, and you’ll usually find comments in the tags.

Check it out, if you’re interested. 🙂 It’s pegging-heavy right now and will probably continue to be—there is a heck of a lot of pegging on tumblr—but I do want it to be more well-rounded in the future. Needless to say, though, it’s NSFW and 18+.

Review: Switch it ON by J. H. Craig

Full disclosure: I received this story in exchange for an honest review.

The Switch Stories by J. H. Craig follow Miss Madeline, a professional dominatrix. But as the title suggests, there’s more to her sexuality than dominance. To my delight, there’s also more to her character. The way she acts around Jason is different from how she acts with Trey, with clients, with Ian, or with anyone else, in the most realistic way possible. She can be soft and withdrawn, strong and nurturing, or impressively badass, depending on what the situation calls for. Between her different roles and the different facets of her personality, I found her to be a truly three-dimensional character—and a likable one, at that. This gets major points in my book, because characters make or break erotica for me. When they’re as intriguing and dynamic as Miss Madeline, it’s easy to get invested in their stories.

Her relationship with Jason is the star of the show for me. It’s not only sexy, but romantic in the sweetest, most human way. It’s apparent that they truly care about each other, and it makes me care about their story in return. It’s the sort of partnership where they seem to ground each other. A stressful day becomes simple when she can snuggle down in his arms, which are “strong enough to build any dream.”

Another highlight is the standout writing. There are so many turns of phrase that made me pause to appreciate the language at work here. From Jason’s physical appeal, and “the blue laser beams he carried in his head,” to Miss Madeline’s client who “cried about what a naughty boy he was, and proved it against [her] leg with a shudder,” to the truly immersive descriptions of lust and orgasms, my interest and imagination were definitely sparked. These make all the difference between a mediocre sex scene and a fresh one. And Switch it ON is fresh on every level.

Watching the effortless waltz between roles is reason enough to read this. But when it comes along with sexually expressive scenes, great writing, and characters to get invested in, it’s a definite recommendation from me.

Switch it ON: Available now
Switch it UP: Coming summer 2014

Topping in Fiction?

Imagine this: your female hero and her male love interest have made it through their story, saved the world, and realized their feelings for each other. There’s a dramatic moment of intimacy and love. They’re overtaken by passion, and she takes out a strap-on and tops him.

Instantly, it’s kinky. Right away, she becomes a character who thinks and cares about sex more than she “should,” even if she wasn’t before. By necessity, it impacts her character. Why? Probably because she’s assumed the bottom until proven otherwise, and being otherwise marks her as different. Because straying from the bottom “default” role takes forethought. Maybe it’s the addition of a sex toy that does it, but imagine instead of using a strap-on she simply fingerfucks her male love interest. Still kinky, right? What if she just uses her hand on his cock and the other hand on herself? Then maybe it’s not kinky, but it’s also not a very dramatic first time sex scene between the lovers. It might not be considered “sex” at all.

I think it’s the penetrative role, because there are certainly fictional women who have personalities I can imagine making them “in charge,” in the sense that they’re still being penetrated but they’re dominant in some way, maybe in terms of sexual position or the control of the situation. I think there’s a certain amount of acceptance of that—at least, my mind can comprehend such a scenario without a necessary change in character. And that’s really cool. Maybe I shouldn’t care so much about the mechanics of it and I’m too hooked up on my own preferences. But why shouldn’t the position reversal be plausible? Why can’t it be? If sex is about pleasure and intimacy, there’s nothing unnatural about a woman fucking her boyfriend.

If the character is shown to be preoccupied with sex, dominant, and maybe contemporary in thinking, it might be possible. But for everyone else, topping seems out of character. Because women in fiction never do, and so it feels unnatural. It’s a horrible cycle. You never see it, so you never can see it. Even when the matter is left completely open—even when all sex and relationship roles are left as a blank slate—I simply can’t envision it.

So what’s the result? When it’s not even an imaginative possibility, the stigma on topping cannot change at all. It continues to be an outlying case. Pegging as anything more than a fun roleplay doesn’t exist. And quite simply, that bugs me a lot.

Fantasy: Lord and Master of Cute Boys

This is a recent fantasy of mine that I found particularly potent. I feel like it’s foundational to my identity in a lot of ways, so I want to share it. It’s a little window into what can turn me on, psychologically.

I have this fantasy of being the one to decide when a cute boy needs to be fucked. Not because I need to have him, but because I need him to be fucked. As a grammar nerd, I think of the difference in terms of active vs. passive voice. It’s not important that the subject performs the action—it’s important that the object has this action performed on him. He’s just so fucking cute that I need him in that state of being affected, taken, or had—whatever you might call it.

I find this idea particularly dominant because it’s not even about my own body. I have such control that I get to decide on his state, even when mine is taken out of the picture. It’s actually one of the most controlling desires I’ve had.

And when pegging a guy, I’d like to dirty-talk him about this and get him into that submissive headspace, where he knows the ultimate decision is mine. Not just because he’s a sub to me, but because I fancy myself some kind of master of cute boys. As if I appreciate them most and so I get to decide what’s what. He knows this, and that’s why he bends to my will. He has no say in it. And whether I get to exercise this control over other boys too is irrelevant—the point is that he knows I have the right.

It’s all play, of course. I would never assert that power where it’s unwanted; I have no such entitlement. But the thought of this role and his resulting subspace really makes my heart flutter.