Rethinking Kinks

Have you ever changed your mind about a kink? Thought you liked something and it turned out you didn’t? Thought you didn’t like something and it turned out you did? What do you think made you flip?

(This month’s /r/dommebloggers topic was submitted by Dommeluck and selected by me.)

It took a while after reading this question before I found my answer. I happened to be taking this quiz (http://bdsmtest.org/, recommended by Domina Jen) that tells you what percentage of different kinks apply to you, and I kept answering “strongly disagree” to questions about wanting to battle for dominance or having to make your sub submit. Instinctively, I just felt like it wasn’t my thing. But when I got to the end results and read the description of a Brat Tamer, I liked the sound of it. Even though this was the kink that those particular questions were leading to.

I guess the idea stayed in my head, because a few days later I was mulling it over again. My instinct was to say no, it doesn’t appeal to me, because I consider myself the kind of dom who likes to nurture rather than discipline—I like to call him a “good boy,” not a “bad boy.” But what I realized is that there’s an area somewhere in between that I also like, where a sub acts out in a teasing way, just to be frustrating. I’ve always been weak to mischievous boys. When they get that glint in their eye and that uber confident playfulness, I can’t resist. So if he’s being a brat just to stoke my flames, then I find it incredibly hot. What I’m not a fan of is the kind of play where I have to force him to submit when he doesn’t want to. Key in the idea is that it still has to be clear that he wants it, even within the scene, and he’s acting out just to get to me. I like mischief, not resistance.

So I guess I do like the idea of “making” a sub submit, after all. As long as it’s in this context. When there’s a mischievous boy involved, I’m there.

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12 thoughts on “Rethinking Kinks

  1. The title of the blog indicates you know what you want, so I certainly do not wish to come off as challenging you on this. However, your post made me wonder something: would you say you like a boy that is playfully mischievous about minor things in order to gain attention and possibly ‘funishment,’ or are you genuinely turned on by a boy who can often be bratty as just part of who he is?
    The reason I ask is this. I equate brattyness with a kind of ‘make me’ attitude. (this is my interpretation, so please forgive if I am totally misunderstanding your view of the term) And while I get how that could be fun now and then, I wonder if that trait might not become tiring/tedious after a while. Or become the kind of ‘forcing’ you dislike.
    Of course, if your sub only does this to be playful and is careful about it, that’s one thing. But I do wonder if ‘I was only joking’ might become an excuse after a while.
    Again, not challenging your stared preference just wondering how that works in a D/s dynamic over the long haul.

    • This is a really good question, and I don’t have a solid answer. When it comes to the “brattiness” being a fun kink versus a partner’s personality trait, I think it depends on a lot of things, like how often that trait comes out, and what contexts it appears in as well. I can certainly see the potential to be annoyed by it, but I wouldn’t say I’m against the possibility as a rule. It’s one of those things that I can’t theorize about too much without seeing what it’s like in practice.

      I will say, though, that when writing this post, I was thinking more in terms of mischief as an occasional fun thing to play with. Something that would have more impact because it would take me by surprise.

      That is definitely some food for thought, though. Thanks for the comment!

  2. I can relate to what you’re saying. I don’t want to force someone to do something that they don’t want to do, but it can be exciting when someone pushes your buttons in the way you’re describing.

    Great post. =]

    -Rhea

  3. Ah, good one. It is such a fine line, I agree. Power struggles are an awesome way for me to reconcile two different things that I love – remaining dominant and also experiencing a partner’s aggression, so I like that a lot. I’ve also been on the other side of the line, with a partner who was willing to try but NOT actually into it, so the resistance and brattiness was real and SUCH a turn off. I screen for that much better now. I don’t want my partner to set me up for a “challenge,” just more of a fight if that makes sense. Awesome post. 🙂

    • That’s a great point, too. I’m so into really grey areas of power dynamics that go beyond clear-cut dom and sub, and a power struggle is definitely an interesting way to get that. Submissive brattiness is, I guess, the particular subset of power struggle that I can get into. So it’s a great way to get a really interesting power distribution. I know that we’ve already agreed upon the hotness of a submissive boy acting dominant, and this plays right into that.

      Thanks again. 🙂

  4. Pingback: Changing Your Mind | Domme Luck
  5. From a sub’s point of view, the Domme / sub relationship is all about submerging one’s self in feminine power, whether literally (sit on my face, please!) or in some other way.
    So how can we excite this shared dynamic ? Sensual / nurturing is one style — topping from below/ brattiness is another. What is important is that both experience Her power and his willing and happy submission, Her desire and his passionate response. Their play may be subtle (opening the car door, etc.) one day and overt (Mistress / slave whipping) another day.
    It’s all good so long as both are authentically invested in the relationship.
    Thank you for the post!
    -Tomas

    • Mm, that’s a great point about how there are different ways to go about attaining the same goal, and different ways that dynamic can be enjoyed together. And I completely agree.
      Thanks for sharing your perspective!

    • I think the number one hottest thing for me when it comes to brattiness is being teased about how much I want him. There’s a confidence in that that I just find irresistible. Because it’s not an aggressive, dominant kind of confidence, but a subdued kind. I like anything that makes me come after him rather than him pushing himself on me. And when a boy who bottoms and submits to a woman embraces that role, it does make me want to go after him.

  6. Reblogged this on dave94015 and commented:
    To Brat or not to Brat…
    KWSW’s post touched on the kind of behavior I do with my partner. We play a game. When I want her to top me, I am the brat.

    Sometimes I refuse to do things she wants. “No, I won’t do that!” “Yes, you will!” “what’re you going to do if I don’t? Spank me?”
    There’s times in a scene when I think she’s not doing enough and I’ll call her on it, like: “is that all you got?” Other dominants have told her I’m topping from the bottom or being insubordinate, etc. but she likes me to tease her into doing things . She’ll say, “If you keep this up, I’ll have to tie you up and whip you”. If I don’t stop teasing her often get into rope play and/or flogging. There are times when she’ll tell me to behave and I’ll tell her I am behaving badly. (She usually laughs.) There are other times when I know she’s serious and I do behave. It’s the game that we play that usually has the results we like. I learned the brat style from her when she wants me to switch and top her. She’ll say, “you gonna make me?” “Yeah, I’ll tie you up and torment you until you do” “We’ll see about that”, she says in defiance…and ten we begin our game.

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