Reverence and Giving Up Control

I discovered something about my position towards submissive boys, and it is very much linked to my recent post on alternatives to dominance.

There’s a certain class of boys (perhaps arbitrarily defined by me) that fill me with a kind of reverence. I want to make an analogy with religion, though I don’t want to offend anyone. So let me just say that this is purely a metaphor and should be taken with a grain of salt. But really the most accurate way for me to explain my experience is to say that I just feel like I worship submissive boys. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming that I want to express it in some way. I need to pay my tribute and get it out of my system. It feels like the only response that will sate me. Ultimately, I just want to kneel at the altar of submissive boys and give myself over completely.

Giving myself over may seem to distort the dominance/submission dichotomy, but I’m learning to ignore that. Or, even better—learning to enjoy when the lines are distorted. And in this case, I think it’s explained by the dominant/top distinction. I still want to be on top with a cute submissive boy, but even in doing so I definitely feel like I may not have the control all the time. And I’m totally okay with that. The same lust that makes me want to take charge also leaves me powerless to what I desire.

It’s an almost submissive response, and I wonder whether I feel it because it’s just tied to the idea of admiration, or if it feels powerful to me because it’s such a departure from the dominance I usually relate to. Perhaps in my mind it makes a bigger statement than anything else I could do, and that’s why I like it so much.

I really want to embrace this idea to fullest, because this feeling of worship defines me, in some way. It’s one of the strongest desires I experience. And because of that, I consider it part of my identity. Which makes expressing it all the more important to me. I haven’t fully figured out how, other than running this blog and writing erotica, but I enjoy looking for new ways.

I’m interested to hear any thoughts you may have about giving up control, about reverence, or about a strong feeling that you consider a core part of you.


4 thoughts on “Reverence and Giving Up Control

  1. Your posts are always so interesting. I can completely relate. I think in some ways I *do* really admire submissive boys because I can understand and respect and stand in awe of their ability to defy gender stereotypes in this powerful, personal way. And yeah, part of it is pure unadulterated lust which makes me weak, just as it makes me strong. I want to worship their bodies, but it manifests as long and lingering tease and denial. I want to take care of them, which manifests as comfort and nurture. And there is something exhilarating in engaging in switchy play with a usually submissive boy, something I experience in that framework I couldn’t feel with a purely dominant boy. I’ve had this debate in my head and with other people so many times – who is really in control? Who is really pleasing who? And it’s just an infinite loop. In the right relationship, everything we do is to please each other and that brings us both joy and pleasure, and no one person is ever really in control or not in control. It’s a constant balance and negotiation and there’s certainly room for all the wonderful gray areas you’re talking about. Please write more!

    • I can’t tell you how much I love this comment! I completely relate to everything you’ve said. Especially lingering tease and denial as a way to worship. I feel like nothing is more satisfying than that. Wanting to take care of them is also big for me. And I’ve always had a weak spot for submissive boys who know what they want and take control. I definitely like the idea of switchy play. It is, as you said, very different from the dynamic you’d get if it was simply a dominant boy. The submission is still important. It makes the dominance about 100x hotter to me.

      As I was writing this post I was thinking of control and power as a circle, so I definitely understand the infinite loop you bring up. Not only are there elements of control in both roles, but there are also different levels, with respect and equality as the highest one, so in a way the roles are the same. I love how complex it is.

      Thanks so much for reading and commenting, and for your support. Much appreciated!

  2. I am with DommeLuck in my intrigue for your writing, and I literally just got here. This doesn’t happen often. Sometimes I feel like it’s the same old crap getting regurgitated in BDSM-related blogs and especially forums. Dominance and submission get treated like set-in-stone concepts, like opposites of each other. Transgression is seen as not playing the game right: god forbid you “top from the bottom” or lovingly iron your sub guy’s shirts.

    Yep, the first person I saw this kind of critique and introspection from was Maymay. He lost me at “dominants are rapists” though.

    My lust for men – my own particular subset of men who I project submission onto – leaves me weak at the knees, too, in awe of and admiration for them. I feel like I’m starstruck, looking at these boys from the safe distance of a couple blocks or from my computer screen, feeling very much like the frumpy nerd I was growing up, nowhere near cool enough to get close to them. And isn’t that power over me, even if it’s more neurotic than actual? Surely. But oh, what a hard thing to say from where I’ve been sitting on this side of the fence!

    • Thank you so much! That means a lot to me. I definitely feel like my own dominance isn’t as straightforward as what I’ve read about, so I like to explore some grey areas. And I agree about the way transgression is viewed. Whereas to me, those can be very interesting things about a dynamic.

      I’m with you on that. Maymay’s writing did introduce me to some ideas that I’ve found to be very fruitful lines of thinking, but I can’t get on board with “dominants are rapists” as a general concept.

      I like your thoughts about awe and lust. The idea of “starstruck” is one I hadn’t explicitly thought of, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I experience those thoughts as well.

      I really enjoy your blog too and I find a lot to relate to, which isn’t usually the case for me. I’m glad you feel the same way. Thanks again!

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