I discovered something about my position towards submissive boys, and it is very much linked to my recent post on alternatives to dominance.
There’s a certain class of boys (perhaps arbitrarily defined by me) that fill me with a kind of reverence. I want to make an analogy with religion, though I don’t want to offend anyone. So let me just say that this is purely a metaphor and should be taken with a grain of salt. But really the most accurate way for me to explain my experience is to say that I just feel like I worship submissive boys. Sometimes it’s so overwhelming that I want to express it in some way. I need to pay my tribute and get it out of my system. It feels like the only response that will sate me. Ultimately, I just want to kneel at the altar of submissive boys and give myself over completely.
Giving myself over may seem to distort the dominance/submission dichotomy, but I’m learning to ignore that. Or, even better—learning to enjoy when the lines are distorted. And in this case, I think it’s explained by the dominant/top distinction. I still want to be on top with a cute submissive boy, but even in doing so I definitely feel like I may not have the control all the time. And I’m totally okay with that. The same lust that makes me want to take charge also leaves me powerless to what I desire.
It’s an almost submissive response, and I wonder whether I feel it because it’s just tied to the idea of admiration, or if it feels powerful to me because it’s such a departure from the dominance I usually relate to. Perhaps in my mind it makes a bigger statement than anything else I could do, and that’s why I like it so much.
I really want to embrace this idea to fullest, because this feeling of worship defines me, in some way. It’s one of the strongest desires I experience. And because of that, I consider it part of my identity. Which makes expressing it all the more important to me. I haven’t fully figured out how, other than running this blog and writing erotica, but I enjoy looking for new ways.
I’m interested to hear any thoughts you may have about giving up control, about reverence, or about a strong feeling that you consider a core part of you.