In analyzing the scenarios that turn me on most, I realized recently that I’ve been trying to make the idea of intercourse the focus when in reality, it’s not my meat and potatoes, so to speak. I’ve already mentioned here that I’m not into conventional penetrative sex, but even pegging, which I would enjoy and be comfortable with, doesn’t seem to be my absolute priority.
I do like seeing or imagining sex between two people who want it, but when it comes to me, I’d much rather fantasize about making out with a boy and feeling him up. I am more intrigued by the subtleties and the build up. For me, that build up is everything. I seem most taken with those acts that might be considered foreplay, or teasing. Give me all of the things that stimulate and make him crave release. Instead of sex, let me watch him play with a vibrating plug. Or let me edge him until he can’t take it anymore.
Well, I guess you could say I have a certain hunger that is better sated by more indulgent activities.
But I also think I’m just drawn to alternative ways to express or satisfy sexuality (if you couldn’t already tell). It’s not a conscious decision; it’s just that the alternatives seem to resonate louder in my mind.
Another reason might be that my brain perceives sex as a more forceful act. It’s very difficult for me to imagine topping a guy if I don’t know him well, for instance. I would need to know his desires and his mind before I would be comfortable doing that to him.
In addition to non-sex acts, I prefer when clothes stay on. There might be occasions where I want to see nakedness, but on the whole I find clothes 10x hotter and more comfortable to imagine. I guess to my mind, a clothed version of a person is more himself, and sexual acts with clothes on are more in the realm of normal life, which I find erotic. Supercharging a normal situation with an erotic feeling emphasizes it even more. Whereas seeing someone stripped down to bare is an incredibly intimate thing that I may only see myself wanting if I have romantic feelings for a person, and it doesn’t figure into my general lust.
Which brings me to the question of whether this is true outside of fantasy. Honestly, I’m not sure. It may be. Perhaps I simply feel like sex requires more of a connection between two people, at least for my tastes, and so it may have its place for me in a relationship but it’s just not the star of my fantasies. Either way, knowing what I do like will certainly help guide me in a relationship.
It’s one thing to suspect all of this, as I have for a while, but putting it into words and accepting it frees me up to imagine things that do satisfy me. I’ve started to enjoy exploring other focuses and trying to let my mind roam without giving it a direction. The results have already been surprising, and it’s making me really excited about exploring these alternatives. I’m a big supporter of taking a moment to ignore expectations, labels, and frameworks, and to look at a thing for what it really is.