Topping in Fiction?

Imagine this: your female hero and her male love interest have made it through their story, saved the world, and realized their feelings for each other. There’s a dramatic moment of intimacy and love. They’re overtaken by passion, and she takes out a strap-on and tops him.

Instantly, it’s kinky. Right away, she becomes a character who thinks and cares about sex more than she “should,” even if she wasn’t before. By necessity, it impacts her character. Why? Probably because she’s assumed the bottom until proven otherwise, and being otherwise marks her as different. Because straying from the bottom “default” role takes forethought. Maybe it’s the addition of a sex toy that does it, but imagine instead of using a strap-on she simply fingerfucks her male love interest. Still kinky, right? What if she just uses her hand on his cock and the other hand on herself? Then maybe it’s not kinky, but it’s also not a very dramatic first time sex scene between the lovers. It might not be considered “sex” at all.

I think it’s the penetrative role, because there are certainly fictional women who have personalities I can imagine making them “in charge,” in the sense that they’re still being penetrated but they’re dominant in some way, maybe in terms of sexual position or the control of the situation. I think there’s a certain amount of acceptance of that—at least, my mind can comprehend such a scenario without a necessary change in character. And that’s really cool. Maybe I shouldn’t care so much about the mechanics of it and I’m too hooked up on my own preferences. But why shouldn’t the position reversal be plausible? Why can’t it be? If sex is about pleasure and intimacy, there’s nothing unnatural about a woman fucking her boyfriend.

If the character is shown to be preoccupied with sex, dominant, and maybe contemporary in thinking, it might be possible. But for everyone else, topping seems out of character. Because women in fiction never do, and so it feels unnatural. It’s a horrible cycle. You never see it, so you never can see it. Even when the matter is left completely open—even when all sex and relationship roles are left as a blank slate—I simply can’t envision it.

So what’s the result? When it’s not even an imaginative possibility, the stigma on topping cannot change at all. It continues to be an outlying case. Pegging as anything more than a fun roleplay doesn’t exist. And quite simply, that bugs me a lot.

11 thoughts on “Topping in Fiction?

  1. As I was growing up, it was considered an insult that a girl was marked as a “slut” and a sign of manliness if a boy was promiscuous. I think that’s simply a cultural norm set in. Personally, I was always somewhat attracted to “sluts” because I thought there was a possibility I might be able to sleep with them. A “slut” is a female that is adventurous and wants to be be pleasured. Just like all guys. Really, the two examples were simply hormone crazed teenagers that wanted to explore their sexuality.

    My wife has become more assertive in bed. When I am giving her good foreplay, she is becoming more vocal, saying things like “I want my orgasm now”. It turns me on to no end. There is nothing sexier to me that my wife being confident. So much of the world today is built around putting people (especially women) down in some way (e.g., the photoshopped models, the impossible stereotypes, etc.).

    You might find “Starship Troopers” as an interesting example of breaking this stereotype. It has its cheesy moments, but there are pretty good examples of aggressive, dominant women. In particular, there is a really tough, tomboy character (I think her name is “Dez”) that really wants the male lead (but he wants Denise Richards). She plays on the football team and kicks ass. There is a scene where the men and women shower together. She follows him into the army, in pursuit of him, and kicks ass, she’s probably the toughest soldier there. There is a final scene where she finally seduces him, mounting him “cowgirl” style. It wouldn’t surprise me, character wise if she would pull out a strapon and fuck him. The role reversal in this film is what I liked most about it. YMMV.

    • “simply hormone crazed teenagers that wanted to explore their sexuality.” —Exactly. Slut shaming really needs to stop.

      I really love when I read things like that where men crave a woman’s agency. I think that’s fantastic, and it always makes me feel good that people are aware of problems and enjoy some kind of resistance to it.

      Maybe I’ll add that to my list of things to watch. 🙂 I’m curious about the role reversal aspects and how I’ll interpret her character. Thanks for the recommendation!

  2. Oh HELL, yes. Most of my pegging fiction is with women topping. It is a rare story that I write that has the man in control. That’s the way i am in real life, too. Perhaps that’s why I am still single; I am a new idea whose time has not yet come into the awareness of the general public. Mostly because men fear being seen as weak or less-than. The reality is that what we really see is their vulnerability, which is about the strongest thing a man can show you.

    • “I am a new idea whose time has not yet come into the awareness of the general public.”
      I really love the way you phrased this. I completely feel that way too, to be honest. Part of me wonders whether these guys actually are out there, but another part of me observes media and just thinks, there’s really no precedent for this. Not as anything more than an occasional kink, at least. It feels like the chances of finding it are one in a million.

      That’s one of the many reasons your “My Favorite Hobby” story spoke to me so much. The idea of randomly meeting a guy and flirting with him, getting to know each other, feeling the dynamic and the chemistry, and just letting it happen that way, as if it’s not a big deal—how amazing that would be.

      I do wish there wasn’t a sense for men that bottoming means a loss of respect, or being considered weak. I wish people could see it as just another configuration. Another way for two people to interact in a relationship. At least, that’s how I see it.

      • “I do wish there wasn’t a sense for men that bottoming means a loss of respect, or being considered weak.”

        I see this and sense this in men all the time. Men even joke that way amongst each other that penetrated definitely equals a lower status. The sad thing is that often, deep down, it is a reflection of their basic attitude towards women.

        I am looking for a masculine, alpha man who wants to give it up to me in the bedroom. No matter how much he bottoms to me that doesn’t make him any less amazingly masculine or alpha outside of the bedroom.

        • It’s tragic, really. And I agree that it’s a reflection of their attitude toward women.

          Even though personally I’m not after alpha, masculine men, I do believe that submitting does not make a man less of a man, inside or outside of the bedroom.

  3. You basically said everything I could possibly hope to say in that post, (and the comments are excellent too). All that’s left is for me to say YES, especially as a fem domme erotica writer. So very nicely done.

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