Sex Act Symbolism

I’ve always been interested in how people interpret different sex acts. So much of sex is power play—and even when you’re actively trying to take the power out of it, its influence is there, making you act against it. Either way, it’s persistently relevant. So which acts give power to whom, and why?

For the longest time, I considered giving head to be a submissive act. When I came across semes (tops) in yaoi manga blowing their shy, embarrassed ukes, I was always taken aback. Isn’t that the uke’s job? I suspect my reaction stemmed partly from gender roles and dominant men making submissive women perform it on them. But I know that’s not the whole picture, because even a man performing cunnilingus on his girlfriend seemed submissive to me. I think the biggest key is in the fact that I viewed the dominant one as the one receiving physical pleasure.

It was actually one such manga that flipped the switch for me. Because it was a favourite and I understood the characters so well, I could understand their motives in taking these roles. I came to understand it as serving another purpose. In driving a partner to orgasm, there’s so much control and intimacy. Lusting after his body and being able to give him head simply because I want to is an indulgent and incredibly satisfying thought. Now I can fully see it either way. I think this was actually a big turning point in understanding what I might like for myself. When I started to think about having control over my partner’s release as a dominant act, my imagination ran free. I love the idea of bringing him to orgasm—for my own sake. To cause such a vulnerable reaction is a very intimate and dominant experience for me. His orgasm and lust are what sate me. And as a dominant, I would have equal control in having him perform it on me, if I so chose. Oral sex to me is a very versatile way to play with power.

Another act I want to bring up is penetrative sex. This is an interesting case for me. Not having any interest in receiving it, I feel biased in thinking of it with penetrator as dominant and penetrated as submissive. However, I know that doesn’t have to be the case. I truly do understand that. Plenty of dominant women enjoy vaginal penetration from their submissive men, and it means something different to them than it does to me. In this case, it’s simply because I can’t put myself in that headspace that I interpret it this way. My view of power here is not a belief, but a feeling.

I think a simple principle might be that whatever role the dominant wants is dominant, but it just isn’t easy to want certain things when there’s a precedent, and that’s what makes such a principle more complicated: it’s true, but easier said than done.

What do you think? Are there any sex acts you have interpreted differently at different times in your life? What are your views on some of the ones I did or didn’t talk about?

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7 thoughts on “Sex Act Symbolism

  1. I’ve never been fond of “making love”. Sex done right is messy, noisy, sweaty, and a bit violent.

    We don’t have that much penetrative sex. With me on top, she typically wants me to go in and out really slowly with her vibrator on her clit. My cock functions to enhance her orgasm and she does NOT want me to come before her. She will occassionally want me to penetrate her very hard and fast but unfortunately I usually don’t last that long doing that. I enjoy wife on top sex the best. It’s the only way she can come from intercourse and I have excellent stamina in this position. She leans back in a particular position (I love the view!) and gets completely lost in her own world. When she climaxes, she collapses on top of me, giggles a bit, and then either turns over for me to finish up or denies me orgasm. I feel very submissive with penetrative sex because it’s directed by her.

    My wife hasn’t been letting me perform cunnilingus on her much lately. I love doing it and yes I feel very submissive in doing it. Why? Because the act is purely about her pleasure. If I bring her to orgasm (does not happen all the time), I feel powerful and virile. I feel a bit upset if I can’t get her there orally, but when that happens, I get the Hitachi and she comes very quickly from being so worked up.

    My wife no longer gives me blowjobs. She never really liked it because she doesn’t like the taste of my pre-cum. She made it very clear that I wasn’t to ejaculate in her mouth. So, I felt somewhat submissive receiving it because I knew I wasn’t allowed to come. I would be so nervous about accidentally coming that holding back was a significant part of my thought process.

    A good many of my orgasms are via handjobs. I think she views this as dominant because she is fully in charge. She will often stop stroking my cock to play with other areas, and then go back and forth with that, edging me. I think she really has a good handle on my sexual responses and she seems to relish having the full control over my orgasm. We usually make some comment about the volume of my ejaculate or the distance it goes. It’s up to me to clean up and then we cuddle.

    After writing this, I sure seem 100% submissive. Occasionally, we’ve have more vanilla sex, but lately it’s been more and more wife-focused. Hope I’ve helped.

    I’m curious if you’ve tried woman on top intercourse and feel any different about that. At least the way we do it, I am basically a human dildo and it really makes me feel “used”, which really turns me on.

    • Thanks so much for this comment—I really like examples and I appreciate when people share their own experiences. There are just so many ways to express power ideas with sex, and it seems like everyone’s a little different. I love it.

      Everything you said is interesting to me, but I think I relate most to what you say about your wife having full control of your orgasms with handjobs. All of what you describe is exactly how I feel about it too.

      I also like what you said about cunnilingus. Since you say she hasn’t been letting you very often lately, does it feel special to you when you do get to do it?

      I have not tried it at all, because I just don’t have that desire / drive to be penetrated, whether it’s controlled by me or not. I totally get how being used for orgasm is submissive, though, and I think your case is a perfect example of that. Very cool. 🙂

  2. This is such a great question. For the longest time I felt like certain positions (missionary etc.) were submissive, and that, likewise, going down on someone is a submissive act. But over the years I’ve come to feel that it isn’t the act itself that signals submission, but the manner in which it’s executed. You can absolutely *destroy* a man with oral sex. As you said, it’s a really versatile way to play with power. As with so much about sex, it’s really the personalities involved that inform the dynamic. As always, a great post 🙂

  3. you mentioned penetrative sex as possibly being a submissive thing. What if the this was a way to tease or reward your submissive? Even if you don’t enjoy penetrative sex yourself, I’m sure a sub would still crave it, which give you power over the ability to provide it for your sub. Male chastity would be a great part of a lifestyle for you as you may not care too much for sexual intercourse, but your chaste male would and supplying that act would be powerful.

    I also agree with a lot of what Sherulestherooster had to say. It seems we have very similar wives. Although penetrative sex happens a lot, lucky me, she is in control. I feel a failure if I come before her and I try everything in my power to make sure she has an orgasm. She is very much in control over oral, anal, and vaginal sex as she tells me what going to happen. She knows I love being denied and from time to time she does deny me an orgasm. But more often then not, She like the power and control over “allowing” me to come. It’s her reward and the cum is proof of her control!

    • I definitely agree that it would be a good way to tease or reward someone. The problem is that I’m just not interested at all. I couldn’t be in a relationship where my partner needed that. I can certainly appreciate what power it gives, though—and your situation sounds like it must be wonderful for your wife. 🙂

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